Thorough and good thoughts from someone who spent many years alone and has “been there” herself. While the book could benefit anyone seeking a satisfying and lasting relationship, it would particularly benefit those who have “been through it” with a series of non fulfilling partners. As Ms. Clair states in her
Introduction: “I’m hoping this book can spare you some…pain, and some time…and bring you closer to the relationship you deserve.” This book is thoughtful and thought provoking. It takes time and a good deal of self analysis to deal with these problems. The thorough information included will greatly assist with that process. Early on, Ms. Clair provides detail and guidance relative to two very relevant lists.
The Ones To Run From:
1. Someone Married
Her suggestion: “Do yourself a favor. Try on the title “mistress” before you buy it. Say it out loud: “I’m his mistress.” It doesn’t feel very good, does it? Wouldn’t you rather be able to say: “I’m in love with him, and he’s in love with me, and we’re there for each other?” You do not get to say that with an affair.” (It’s important to mention that Ms. Clair properly identifies herself as not being a moralist. She is a realist. She is not criticizing anyone for having an affair. She stated she had one herself. She is just commenting on the consequences of it. She indicates that only about 5% of all affairs end up as permanent, loving relationships. “Not very good odds”,she says.)
2. Someone Who Tells You They’re Unavailable
Know how to really listen. It means you too. Do not take it as a challenge.
3. Alcoholics, Workaholics, Any “Holics”
4. You’re The “Holic”
5. Someone Who Wants You To Change
(Not just someone who makes some suggestions sometimes, but someone who wants to control the process of your changing or never seems satisfied with you the way you are.)
6. You Want To Change Someone
(It won’t work and you’ll wear yourself out trying.)
7. Someone Not Over A Past Love
8. Can’t Get Over Hating A Past Love
9. A Dishonest Person
The Ones To Watch Out For:
1. Someone Who Rushes Into Love
2. You’re The Rusher
3. Someone Just Out of A Relationship
(him or you)
4. Someone Who Doesn’t Share Your Fundamental Beliefs
5. Major Differences in Age, Intelligence or Status
6. A Person Who Is Too Jealous, or Into Drama
7. Someone Who Crosses Your Sexual Boundaries
8. Someone Too Miserly
9. Someone Too Negative or Depressed
Ms. Craig also discusses the ways women keep themselves unavailable and how they can become truly available again.
A subsequent chapter is entitled “The Questions To Ask – The Answers To Listen For”. The topics suggested can be useful in helping to make conversation – with an eye toward constructivity. Lastly, she discusses various success stories that led to love, romance and relational success.
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